Wake up, you're dreaming

new journal

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 23:01:12 GMT

alright...i got a new livejournal name. its now x2fast4lovex

things could never be this good forever

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 08:31:08 GMT

I'm am really glad that we have a 3 day weekend. The only thing I have for sure planned is to go see a movie at Gabby's and I can't wait. Spring Break was so awesome that even though this week hasn't been bad at all, it sucked in comparision.
So Eleanor (ernestine!) told Big S today that my dad said he was not going to make child support payments until January 2006 which really sucks because we were sort of depending on that. I knew that everything was to perfect to last. She also told Shannon that if she can't afford to take care of me than she'll place me somewhere and that is the last thing in this world I want. Shannon's even more upset about this than I am and that makes me feel bad because it's my fault, simply because I'm the issue here. I'm really worried she's going to tell ernestine that she can't take care of me and I need to live elsewhere. I'm thinking about even more now that this all happened.
Grammie got me tickets to the Crue show in Cleveland this summer and then Laurali and I are going to see them again in October. Thats three times in one year, which is pretty amazing considering a year ago I thought I'd never even see them once. I hope this weekend rocks as hard as lasts.

we stand together because rock is our lives

Sun, 20 Mar 2005 12:28:11 GMT

i want to say like a million things about the crue concert but i can't really think of anything. Stevie's mom teased Laurali's and mine hair. Laurali looked like Bon Jovie and my hair was just out of control, but it went flat before we even got there. Once we got there we had to wait until they opened the doors because there were still like 2 hours, so we just looked at everyone there. There was this person in a saxon-like outfit and we talked to him and he told us that he didn't give a fuck what anyone there thought about him. We got t-shirts and stuff then went to find somewhere to sit. Will suprised me by showing up with Daniel. I went to meet them and I was happy to have someone there because they made me feel safer. I couldn't see the stage really well so Will picked me up to look at Mick Mars every now and then. When I saw him I was so happy I could've cried. It made me so flippin happy to be there because I thought I wasn't going to get to go. I wanted to call my dad and tell him to lick my love pump because I was rocking at motley crue. Daniel is such a badass. I can't believe that I'd never really talked to him before.

After the show we came back here and Stevie was here hanging with Big S. Eric showed up with a fuckload of people who were just kind of rude, but they left not to long after they got here. Nick came over and we all have just been hanging out. It's to early to determine if this was the perfect end to the perfect break but I'll know tomorrow. It still hasn't sunk in that I just saw Motley Crue but what's even sweeter is that they'll be back in October. YaY!

raising hell on the wild side

Sat, 19 Mar 2005 21:44:29 GMT

IN LESS THAN 4 HOURS I AM GOING TO BE LOOKING AT MOTLEY CRUE!!! fuck i can't wait. I have been looking forward to this for months now and it's finally happening. I remember telling Laurali like a year ago how much it sucked that the crue wasn't going to be touring anymore. God obviously listens to prayers.

This is the perfect ending to spring break. It's been so much fun. Last night I hung out with Laurali and Stevie, and we did what we always do, which is dick around and have a blast. We went to Zia and I told this guy he looked JuSt like Nikki Sixx, and he just stuck out his arm and WhAm!! Nikki's face is permanently tattooed on his forearm. I was like "oh my god, and I thought we were the biggest crue fans." After that we went to look for pirate stuff so we could attend a pirate party with Nick but all we found were bandanas. That was fine though because the party sucked and we ended up just walking home. Then we went to meet up with Alex, this kid we met at Eric's party. In the car we practiced our Def Leppard til we had it mastered.

Well Laurali is here and we're gonna go get our hair teased. Tonight is gonna ROCK!

you can taste the bright lights but you won't get there for free

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 16:18:30 GMT

The first 3 days of spring break have rocked. Saturday after the SATs Laurali and I just hung out until people showed up at my house. Andrew put on the Saxon outfit which was flippin sweet. Then more people came and went. Nick showed up with Andy, Jim and John (I think) They were really cool because they rocked. Then sunday was just kind of blah and nothing really happened. Last night Laurali, Stevie and I went to see My Darling Murder perform in the studio. It was really cool and they were really really good. Plus everyone in the band is a badass. I really hope they become something. We're going to their show on April 1st. I'm excited. I hope the rest of spring break is this fun.

"Live life to the fullest, and have fun"

Tue, 22 Feb 2005 01:05:36 GMT

I woke up early today and did some laundry, then dicked around for awhile. I called Laurali and we made plans to go down to mill so she could get some pants. They didnt have the ones she wanted, but she found another pair. Then we went to AZ mills so we could go to K Mo-Mo, but ended up going to Saks. She and I both got new shoes. It was alot of fun to just hang out with her and rock like we used to.
Shannon wasn't at the dorms when I went there so I had no clue what do to or where to go, so I just went to Stevie's. I may as well start paying rent or something. Big S got a job, which is pretty sweet. But it means she is going to be gone even more than usual.
Stevie's cousin has the hots for Laurali and asked me to call her. Well, i wanted to talk to her anyways but that was just another reason. Stevie left with Matt to go to the pool hall and I'm kinda bored. But American Choppers is on which is awesome and makes me happy. They are so cool.

just like heaven

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 07:36:29 GMT

It's been a pretty good day. Yesterday I planned on hanging out with laurali, but shannon left her phone at raeann's and i missed all her calls. then it was past 2 so she couldn't hang out. well i don't know because i didn't talk to her (and I'M SORRY:( ) but she said she couldn't after 2. Later that night I went to hang out with stevie and we played chess and this man hit on him. He offered me $5 to see his chest. Stevie got me new black pants and shoes that I really, really like. It made me happy. Today, we went to the mall but the bus stopped like 3 miles from it so we walked. We didn't really do much at the mall, but I realized Spencer's isn't nearly as cool as I thought because they sell all this ICP shit. and they suck. But they had a fuck load of OCC stuff. It all made me think of Laurali. They had these model motorcycles and I'm thinking about getting her one. After that we came home and had some nachos. Now we're going to watch a movie, I think. I don't know, because I'm not sure where he is. I miss gracie. Tomorrow, American Choppers marathon!!

Sat, 19 Feb 2005 18:28:56 GMT

Er'nestine called, and my final court date through all this is Janurary 12, 2006. Long time huh?

I'm sipping on tears you made me cry

Sat, 19 Feb 2005 08:35:11 GMT

Today started out shitty. I slept in and didn't go to ROTC for some reason. I just didn't really feel in the mood. We had the shittiest German class we've had in a LONG time. The day was looking up by 7th period, when Mr. Alft mentioned swallowing a teaspoon of semen (long story). Then I had a nice meeting with Er'nestine. She is mine and Laurali's new best friend. Then I went to Big S's and then went down to see stevie. we ended up going to see Constantine, but his friend nick was so offensive and mean to me than i left. I wish i could have just had a nice medieval dinner with Laurali. Shannon and her friends picked me up and now im back at the dorms. Laurali said she might come down here tomorrow so we can hang out and she can get new pants. I'm looking forward to it. I hope tomorrow is better than today, it almost has to be.

from the bottom of my heart...

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 05:16:07 GMT

i know that i say i dont like the band, but this song seems SO fitting right now.

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don’t belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels alright
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you’re bleeding
No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I’m happy
But I’m not gonna be ok
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life

we stand together because rock is our lives

Sun, 13 Feb 2005 17:55:36 GMT

So this whole week has been one fucking mess. for anyone who doesnt know, (i'm not going into details) i don't live with my dad anymore because he gave me a black eye and bruised my cheek horribly. All this shit went on regarding where i can and cannot live. I stayed with Shannon and Stevie until friday, when CPS put me in this SHITTY group home. i was like, the oldest girl there, the only straight girl, with the except for a 13 year old who was 6 months pregnant. I didn't belong there so i left. Simple as that. I can't say where i am or anything right now though. It's been a mess and I got sick on monday with some upper respiratory infection and a sinus infection.
Right now I'm watching Spinal Tap. It's good to keep my mind in rock mode, especially right now. Everyone has been amazing during all of this. It made me realize that Laurali and I are closer than I thought, considering I was worried we were drifting apart. I'm really happy to have a friend like her...this goes beyond the rock to real friendship.
Stevie has been incredible as well. He has proved over and over that he is worth my time and affection. I'm really happy to have him, considering I thought I'd never care this much about anyone after Richie. I'm just so lucky to have everyone I have, and I mean it.

i wonder if you're the same and who's been with you

Wed, 26 Jan 2005 20:24:52 GMT

i'm home sick with the flu. i hate being sick. but i'll be better by friday so i can be a hipster with laura-lizzle and play 40 hands with Big S. yesterday at school steve tu and i were talking about shannon and he called her Big S and it made me happy. Frau is moving to texas and her last day is friday which blows. Last night i was watching the Top 100 most metal moments on VH1 and realized that they use a motley crue video to introduce EVERY moment and i also realized how badly laurali and i need to be on that show as experts. Andy said he got a saxon CD which rocks, whereas stevie basically bought ICPs greatest hits... What is the world coming too? Oh well. I hope i start to feel better soon. I miss being at school. Its hard to rock by yourself, but it can be done. lol

we've got armadillos in our trousers. it's really quite frightening

Thu, 13 Jan 2005 03:12:36 GMT

so its been a really long time since i last updated. nothing really that interesting has happened.
today at school i found out that erik lee had gotten hit by a car and it upset me because he's really smart and was totally going places. it makes me realize how people aren't immortal (except for nikki sixx).
i went to a mill this saturday with laurali and we hooked up with stevie and watched some girls car get towed then went and bought spinal tap. Fuck thats the best damn CD i've ever heard.
So like monday night i went over to stevie's house and now we're going out. it doesn't seem to be an extremely popular relationship, but everyone can just lick my love pump. I'm happy and i'm guessing he is too so thats all that matters. It kinda upsets me that other people are mad at him because its not really fair to him. so i feel bad but im sure ill get over it.
Laurali and I are gonna start going to the waffle house all the time from now on. even if steve tu doesn't come. Mr Van Over's TA blows, he really doesn't rock.
so i just found a website that plays parts from spinal tap so im listening to the part about dusting for vomit and armadillos in their trousers. fuck yes

i don't care what they say, i'm gonna marry you someday

Thu, 30 Dec 2004 19:38:52 GMT

mick mars is the coolest person ever. his favorite video is absolutely home sweet home. could he be more of a badass?

Tue, 21 Dec 2004 17:50:30 GMT

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Meghan
2. Mick Mars
3. Renate

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. HotShotSugar
2.
3.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My stomach
2. my lips
3. my elbows

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my legs
2. my knees
3. hands

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. German
2. English
3. Irish

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. bugs
2. the dark
3. killer whales

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Rock
2. Gracie
3. water

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. a necklace
2. a jacket
3. pants

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE BANDS:
1. Motley Crue
2. Saxon
3. Sublime

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. 'sweet child o'mine' by guns n' roses
2. 'you give love a bad a name' Bon Jovi
3. 'soldier' destiny's child

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. tai-bo
2. crocheting
3. learning a new language

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. Mick Mars is the #1 badass
2. The new motley crue video is a disappointment
3. I love marty!

THREE THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. physical appearance
2. intelligence
3. common interest

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. have neat handwriting
2. watch The Real World
3. stand marty

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:
1. talking about rock
2. writing
3. hanging out

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. go to the motley crue concert
2. see shannon
3. hear saxon

THREE CAREERS YOU ARE CONSIDERING:
1. orthodontist
2. foreign ambassador
3. author

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Germany
2. Maryland
3. South Africa

THREE KID'S NAMES:
1. Mick
2. Rhyan
3. Keith

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Go on a date with phil
2. publish a book
3. make a difference

The secret of the rainbow will never be revealed

Thu, 09 Dec 2004 02:54:37 GMT

In German today we had to write these papers about our favorite bands, which is really cool. This is by far the best topic we've been given in that class. It was really interesting to see who everyone wrote about. Our english presentation went better than I thought. Since we went first, we got graded the easiest, thank god. I said something about how Linda didn't work and it ended up making her cry. I feel pretty bad about that. Like I didn't mean to make her cry, I'm not that mean. But I don't like her and I don't think its fair that she didn't pull her weight in the group but gets the same grade. I made richie mad again. I hate when I do that, and I do it alot. Like i try so hard to be perfect but I always mess it up. But I guess I can always try harder.
Motley Crue is playing on March 19. I can't wait. Seriously, it will be the BEST concert ever.

Saxon rocks...because they just want to.

"my girl wants to...ROCK all the time!"

Tue, 07 Dec 2004 02:07:54 GMT

So it was an eventful weekend. laurali came over and marty had all her friends over. we decorated gingerbread houses and we did ours to look like the rolling stones logo. its incredible. then saturday we did nothing really for awhile, then the most amazing thing in my entire life happened.
We were watching VH1 classic, Metal Mania, when all of a sudden this band came on. Their name is Saxon and they are ANCIENT! like the one guy was bald, but they just want to rock so its all good.
Dad actually let me go and spend the night at laurali's, which was amazing in itself. unfortunately, i didn't feel good and had to go home. but at least now i know that if i ask again, i'll be allowed.
School is pretty much the most boring thing ever. like we aren't really doing anything in any class right now. i studied for this APUSH quiz all weekend, then V.O wasn't even at school, so we didn't take it. talk about wasting my time. grrr
I cant wait to go christmas shopping! this is one of my favorite times of the year...but nothing can top last year man.

you're mother nature and an atom bomb

Fri, 26 Nov 2004 06:00:13 GMT

thanksgiving is a great holiday. it's one day where my family puts all the fighting aside and gets along. Marty is happy because everyone likes her cooking (her gravy kicked ass), dad's happy because theres alot of food, sean and i are happy because they are so busy cooking/eating that they don't bitch at us. volunteering with the salvation army is fun too. it makes me feel really good about helping people who aren't as lucky.
Richie is coming over sunday then again on monday for my birthday. Its always nice to see him and spend time with him. When he was here the other night, we got in a pillow fight and talked. It was nice to be like that again, all our feelings aside.
Laurali left for Telluride wednesday. it sucks i couldn't go. i hope she has a good time though.
Shannon, call me sometime soon. at the house..when you know they wont be here.

Sat, 20 Nov 2004 17:36:36 GMT

why do you do what you do to me?
shaking my confidence, driving me crazy.
you know if i could, i'd do anything for you
please don't ignore me, cause you know i adore you.
can't you just pretend to be nice?
If you would just pretend to be nice,
then everything in my life would be alright

and i'm still falling

Fri, 19 Nov 2004 19:23:51 GMT

i didn't go to school today because my throat is killing me again and my head hurts alot. i don't think i missed much. im glad that we're going to have time off school soon but i'm really upset that i cant go to telluride with laurali. i had so much fun last time, and now she's going to go and have all that fun again while i serve dinner to homeless people(which is not a bad thing, just fun in a different way) Richie and I worked out alot of our problems which makes me feel alot better. Yesterday I was really upset because of all that stuff, so i'm feeling better about that.
I am so glad that this semester at school is almost done, because its really wearing me out. Mr. Van overs homework is unbelieveable and i'm sick of working hard on it just so he doesn't collect it...
I'm getting ungrounded soon which is great and i'm really excited for that. I miss shannon alot.

right now she's selling oranges by the freeway

Tue, 12 Oct 2004 21:57:15 GMT

this break is so boring. i hate having nothing to do. tomorrow i think im gonna go hang out with laurali and we might go to the gym or something. she and i discovered how to achieve world peace today. it took alot of work and thinking though. maybe someday it'll work. i guess we'll see.
yesterday i talked to dean for more than hour. it was really fun because i got to know alot more about him. he likes the Who movie "tommy" which is really cool because i really like it too, and not alot of people have ever seen it. It made me happy that him and i can carry on a conversation.
I am taking the kids i baby-sit for trick-or-treating this halloween and i have no idea what to dress up as. i dont think anything can top my costume last year though.
Gracie is mad at me because i yelled at her for chasing the cat so now i feel bad. God i cant wait for martha to go to boston

nothing up top but a bucket and a mop

Sun, 10 Oct 2004 05:29:43 GMT

i'm so glad its fall break. SO glad. even though i dont have anything to do. i managed to pull off A's in all my classes, which makes me happy because i worked really hard in math class.
Lyle goodman mooned me on the bus yesterday and it was one of the funniest things ive ever seen. i went to the special olympics to volunteer and i was in the worst mood ever. i would rather have been anywhere else right then.
richie came over tonight and he got me a granola bar, which made me happy. :)
i hate when people are mean. and its even worse when i cant do anything about it. i just dont like being treated that way and being expected to just suck it up and deal with it. oh well, i have a whole week that i dont have to put up with it.

too fast for love

Sun, 03 Oct 2004 02:48:36 GMT

wow its been along time since i got a chance to update. schools been the same thing, day after day after day. I really hate english class. Everything else is just kinda of blah like usual.
Steve said he'd go to homecoming with laurali which is awesome because now dean and i can double date with them. it'll be the best time ever. plus martys gonna be in boston and 10 bucks says kevin will just be passed out on the couch.
i'm so happy its almost break. this quarters gone by really fast though. junior year so far is not nearly as much fun as last year was. damn dude. I miss shannon alot too. my room is so empty without her. Things just arent the same when shes gone.

if i'm just bad news, than you're a liar

Sun, 05 Sep 2004 03:27:24 GMT

so i'm stuck babysitting on a saturday night. at least i'm out of the house. school has been going alright so far i guess. History is like my favorite class, which is sad. German used to be awesome but frau fucking flipped and now laurali and i sit across the room from each other. richie has been living with me for more than a week too now. its pretty cool but... i got a letter from tim which really made me happy. i miss him. fuck being grounded sucks.

Glen! Glen! Glen! Glen!

Sun, 22 Aug 2004 01:33:39 GMT

so i'm really tired but thats ok. i've been studying for my APUSH test even though its not until wednesday. i had dinner at richie's and it was really good. i liked it. shannon got me a cell phone. how cool is that? like, i really miss her. i woke up today and thought about how empty my room was. it wasnt for long though, because Gracie came in and licked my face. Not quite like shannon, but close enough.

So I asked dad if laurali can spend the night next weekend and go to the battalion picnic with us. he said it depends on my behavior this week. i'm always good, so its no problem. Marty made awesome cake this week. Dad got rid of his POS car :( It feels like sunday.